I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
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Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
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I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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