I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
