I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
