She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
