My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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