Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Randomize
