I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Why did my mother make you get naked?
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
