I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
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