I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
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The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
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Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
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