i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
