turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
