$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
