I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
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I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
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I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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