I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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