I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
