So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
