Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
