I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
