I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Randomize
