I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Randomize
