Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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