i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
