doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
