Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Dear god my vagina.
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