he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
