I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
