We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
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