Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
