Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
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