Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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