You're my little dorito
Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
