Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
