dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
