We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
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