I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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