he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will be naked everywhere
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize