I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
