I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
