Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Randomize
