your room smells of hookers.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza