If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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