You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
