Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldnâ€™t Be More Proud
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.