The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I stole an accordion from the bar
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?