Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

(540): View more from Virginia

Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower

(571): View more from Virginia

She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task

Fav 11 3144 1048
share tweet
(+44): View more from England

Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.

Fav 29 1281 4640
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(703): View more from Virginia

She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.

Fav 13 5339 1314
share tweet
(415): View more from California

My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.

Fav 28 1421 5484
share tweet
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Read it at the TFLN blog
(248): View more from Michigan

Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.

Fav 10 5076 1546
share tweet
(909): View more from California

Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.

Fav 6 2938 1109
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(208): View more from Idaho

If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.

Fav 4 1655 672
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(908): View more from New Jersey

I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".

Fav 0 690 401
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(315): View more from New York

Don't Richard Nixon her vagina

Fav 2 213 187
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT