Will you blow on my dice?
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
