I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
