You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
