I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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