only if we run a train.
done.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
