Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
