My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
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