She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Randomize
