R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
