I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
