I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
what day is it and did you see me today?
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
