My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
