I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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