My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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