i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize