I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
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