2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Randomize
