I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
