Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
