Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
