guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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