I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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