Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Randomize
