Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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