bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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