I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
