Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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