How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
