I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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