so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
