The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
