I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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