Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
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Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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