Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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