I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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