is your mom at the bar?
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Randomize
