if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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