ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
