He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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