Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
