How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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