Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Randomize
